Puppet passion.

Reader warning!  This post explores concepts that may offend or cause distress to those of a narrow-minded or sensitive disposition.

In matters of the heart, I have an unusual confession to make.  My first ever crush was Marina, the mute, bipedal mermaid who appeared in Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s hit subaquatic sci-fi series, Stingray. 

The show was filmed in ‘Supermarionation’, a cinematic breakthrough that served to enhance her flawless fibreglass features even on our modest black and white Pye television set.  Unsurprisingly, to me anyway, Marina had been voted ATV Midland’s hottest marionette in a 1964 viewers’ poll.  I was immediately smitten but of course I knew that she only had eyes for suave, slimeball submariner, Captain Troy Tempest of the World Aquanaut Security Patrol (WASP).

The daughter of Aphony, ruler of the undersea city of Pacifica, Marina was kidnapped and enslaved by Titan, the evil king of the Aquaphibians and ruler of Titanica.  She was eventually rescued by aforementioned submariner and his oppo George “Phones” Sheridan.  They brought her to Marineville where Tempest swiftly installed her in the spare room of the swish apartment he shared with girlfriend, Atlanta, daughter of WASP boss, Commander Shore.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave,  Troy Tempest!

Having very much come off second best in a particularly vicious catfight with her insanely jealous love rival, a bruised and broken-hearted Marina decided to quit Marineville for England, lured by the promise of a free house and unlimited government handouts.

His ego piqued by the break-up of his cosy ménage à trois, the duplicitous Captain Tempest offered to give the undersea ingenue a lift to Blighty onboard Stingray.  He then ditched her a few miles off the Essex coastline, forcing her to hitch a ride ashore on a passing Albanian dinghy.

For the last sixty years Marina had been living just outside Clacton-on-Sea.  However, following an anonymous tip-off, UK Border Force agents raided her modest bungalow where it emerged that she did not have the necessary paperwork and so had no right to remain in the country. A hastily assembled application for UK citizenship was immediately rejected by then Home Secretary Suella Braverman.  Marina had been awaiting deportation to Rwanda when she mysteriously disappeared.  She has not been seen since,

Seeing this sunny holiday snap of the pair of them relaxing on the beach in Prestatyn posted on Instagram by Captain Tempest, caused me to go off on one while having my feet measured at a Clark’s shoe shop just a few weeks ago.

Buy Now.

Limited edition dvd includes the recently re-discovered episode: “Flight to Blighty” – the uncensored director’s cut.

Other marionette eye candy from the Anderson stable.

Juliette Pontoin, aka Destiny Angel; what’s not to like about this saucy French popsy? 

Tin-Tin Kyrano, so much more than ‘that dolly bird’ from Thunderbirds, if you ask me.

Incidentally, can I be clear that it was the female, hyphenated ‘Tin-Tin’ whose qualities I admired, not those of Hergé’s youthful Belgian investigative journalist, Tintin.  I would never be attracted to anyone who was only two dimensional and sported woollen plus fours, even during my wilder,  post-Anderson experimental years.

Terrahawks’ Kate Kestrel’s sirenesque crooning lured this saucy sailor’s ship onto the rocks on more than one occasion.

Postscript.

The family GP had  reassured my worried parents many years ago, that my obsession with Marina was just a ‘phase’ I was going through.  He added that the cure was simple – with time I’d just grow out of it and go on to have normal, healthy relationships with real people. And of course, he has been proven right.

I had great hopes of building something special with a charming woman called Candice. Tragically things went flat very quickly when she burst as we shared our first intimate moment.

Note to self: trim fingernails before trying for third base.